


it doesn't matter anymore does it?

by MIO_Milo



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood, Charles Xavier Needs a Hug, Charles parents are the worst, Cutting, Protective Erik Lehnsherr, Raven | Mystique is worried, Sad, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:22:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MIO_Milo/pseuds/MIO_Milo
Summary: Charles Xavier and Hank McCoy.The two in the huge Xavier mansion. Charles, still not being stable can't run a school. Though, Alex, Hank and Sean can help. The three don't know much about Charles state, though they know he's not doing to well. The three start the school, being teachers. Scott Summers, Jean Grey, Bobby Drake, Calvin Rankin, Ororo Munroe, Piotr Rasputin, Kitty Pryde, Kurt Wagner, James Howlett and Rogue being there as their students.After about a year, Raven and Erik are having issues. They need to be somewhere no one would look. [Spoiler Deleted](Just an AU)
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Kudos: 3





	it doesn't matter anymore does it?

**Author's Note:**

> This is just the beginning. I hope you enjoy!  
> If your here from my YT channel thank you very much!  
> Just a quick TW: There will be some parts where it will mention cutting.  
> Other than this, there is just some bad language.  
> Also, I might re-right this chapter :)

Chapter 1

_'Take some time to think, you need to think clearly.'_

**Charles**

* * *

Hank, Jean, Scott, Jean, Logan, Storm and Alex were all sitting down in the library. Meanwhile Charles was in his study looking at the night sky. He felt...at loss. He felt broken almost. Lately he's actually been getting dressed and doing his hair, though he isn't dressed as nice as usual and his hair is still long. Needing his wheelchair, he feels even more helpless than needed.

He looked around his messy study. The book all over the floor from his outbreak, the extra needles from taking his medicine, the broken glass that he had fell on and cut himself with, the book shelf a mess, pillows randomly scattered and the dull lamp light glowing on paper work, messily stacked.

"He needs help." Logan said, pointing out the obvious. Scott glared at him due to his stupid words. "Yeah no shit you dingus." He said, rolling his eyes under his glasses. Logan just mocked him. "Can you two be serious here! Professor isn't doing well and we need to actually get him going here. People will worry." Jean said, angry at the two boys. "Actually, people are already worried.." Hank said, stepping in. "Well yeah, and everyone deserves to feel worried about him. He's not stable.." Sean said, angry at everyone in the room. After an argument with Alex he just started to act like a bitch. "Stop, Sean. Don't start this again." Alex said. Sean looked at him with a I-can't-believe-you look. "What? I'm just saying. No more arguing, we need to actually do something." Alex said, getting everyone back on track. "Right." Scott said. Logan rolled his eyes at the younger boy. Charles wheeled his chair over to his room, getting into sweats and a sweatshirt he hopped into bed and stared. He couldn't help the voices. They hurt him. The pain was so....unbearable he feels like he might explode. He sat up and looked around. He started to dissociate. 'Shit.' was all he thought.

*

It was now the next day, Charles had awoken from his 'slumber'. Then someone knocked on the door. Charles knew it was Hank...and..maybe Storm? He couldn't tell. He sat up and got out of his bed. Stepping through the clothes thrown on his floor along with books and other miscellaneous things. He opened the door, he was right. It was Hank and Storm. "We have news, Professor.." Storm said, quickly.

**Flash back;**

_Logan, Storm, Jean, Alex, Sean, Hank and Scott were now all in the kitchen. It was about 12, so all the kids were asleep. The group decided to talk about some issues while they talked over alcohol, the two teens in the room just drank soda. Logan insisted they have one cup but Storm, Scott and Jean being the people they were disagreed because they were underage. "What should we do? I mean about Professor?" Sean asked. Storm and Jean gave each other a sad glace at once another. "We need to try and talk to him. Something is bothering him so, we try that first." Jean stated. Storm nodding along. "I don't think that will work.." Hank piped in, he knew how stubborn Charles was. He wouldn't just say what was wrong, he never did. That was when Alex noticed car lights in the driveway._

_It was dark so it was hard to see though, he could make out it wasn't one of Scott's cars nor a students. "Um, do any of us recognize that car?" He asked, pointing to the car outside. Hank recognized it. It was Erik's. "It's Eriks."_

_Hank said. Everyone looked at Hank in almost horror. Almost. The group then heard knocking. "Was Charles expecting this?!" Scott asked, worried and in fear. "I...Don't think so. He never talked about this." Hank said. Then Storm walked towards the door. She opened it. "Storm!" Logan said, anger filling his lungs like a cigarette._

_"Hello..." Erik said, awkwardly. "Hey..Erik? Right?" Storm asked, greeting him. Erik nodded his head. "Mind if my friend, Raven and I stay for a little?" He asked. You could easily tell he wasn't acting right. Though you could also tell he wasn't planning on hurting anyone. He just seemed to.....to empty almost to even hurt someone. Then Hank walked over. Erik and Hank's eyes meet. Erik's eyes were filled with guilt. Storm noticed this so she answered for everyone, well not really everyone. "Sure, come in." Storm started. "Charles is...well I guess he's asleep, and the kids are sleeping as well so were just here. Would you like something to eat or?" Hank asked, trying to be as nice as possible._

_"Sure, that'd be nice..." Raven said. "_ _"Wait, is something wrong with Charles?" Raven added. Erik wanting to ask the same thing. The two stood next to each other in the kitchen as Hank cooked and the others were sitting down. "I don't think we should be telling you anything. Charles doesn't even know you here." Scott said angrily._

**Back to the Present;**

As she explained what happened, Charles decided it was okay if they stayed. Thought, Storm left out the word part. Not wanting him to know, though he can read minds so It wouldn't matter. The only 'issue' with that, is Charles seems to distant to read her mind. Or anyone close to him for that matter. His power, mutation, isn't acting right. Nor is Charles. This being a very known factor.

"They're gonna want to see you, professor." Storm said. They both knew this. 

"I know, although I don't think it'd be best.." Charles says, smiling softly at his student. 

Storm was shocked for some reason. He just smiled. Doesn't he miss them? Why would he not want to see them? 

Then Charles shut the door. Storm walked away slowly as if she just found out someone died. The part before greif. The part were you just feel....empty and....gone. Hank stood in front of Charles door for a couple more moments. He was confused, yet her understood. Then Hank said, "If you feel the voices are too much again, let me know. I have more 'medication'." and then walked away, slowly. 

Charles knew he needed to take some of it. So, he tried his hardest to talk through their minds. 'Could you bring me some? If its not to much trouble..' he said into Hanks head. 'Sure thing, Charles.' he answered, smiling lightly.

Hank walked downstairs and walked to his lab. "What are you doing?" Storm asked. Storm, Logan, Jean, Scott, Alex, Sean, Raven and Erik sat in the living room. "Oh well um, Charl- Professor needs me to get him something." Hank answered, some of them knew what he was getting the others being confused. 

He walked downstairs to his 'lab'. Grabbing a new needle with the medicine and walking back upstairs. Raven and Erik noticed what he was holding. Erik didn't know what it was though, Raven recognised the case. It was similar to the case he left in Ravens room during First Class, after the two wanted to be 'normal' and Hank raged at her. "What is it?" Erik asked quietly. "Some sort of medication. He gave me something like that last year when....we wanted to look normal...." Raven said, remembering the memory. Erik started to worry more. 'Why does he need medication? Is Charles even okay?' he thought. Raven thinking the same moments later.

Hank walked up to Charles room and knocked. He opened the door and came in. He wasn't here so he was probably in his study. Hank walked over to his study and then knocked once more. "Come in." He heard Charles say. He opened the door and noticed he was cleaning. He saw his messy study. The book all over the floor, the extra needles from taking the medicine, the broken glass, the book shelf a mess, pillows randomly scattered and the dull lamp light glowing on paper work, messily stacked.  
  


"What happened in here?" Hank asked, kinda shocked at such a mess. "I um...had a problem the other day, this was....ehem...the outcome." Charles said, his accent very noticeable. He walked over to Hank. "Thank you." He said. Hank handed him the case. "Please be careful, Charles. Don't take to much.." He said sadly. Charles gave the man a soft, dull smile. Hank then left and headed down to the living room. 

Scott, Alex, Raven and Erik were arguing. 

"Why was Hank holding _'medication'_ to give to Charles!?" Raven asked, hot tears falling down her face. She was worried about her 'brother'. She missed him. "We aren't telling you!" Scott argued back. "We can't. Not unless Professor says so!" Alex chimed in. "Please just tell us!" Erik yelled, anger filling him like the metal inside Logan. "All of you, Stop!" Hank yelled, stepping into the living room. 

Everyone stood quite. "Please stop shouting." Hank started. Looking over to everyone other than Raven and Erik. "And you guys, you should know better. Charles mind can't take your stupid yelling." He finished angry. This just confused Raven and Erik further. "As for you two. You won't get answers until Charles comes down here. When he's ready to tell you guys, he will. All of you don't know the full story." Hank said once more, leaving the room. Everyone stood there and looked at one another. "So you guys don't know everything?" Raven asked. Storm nodded. "Can you at least tell me a small amount of information?" She asked again, sadness shining through like the sun on glass. "Fine. Professor isn't doing to well. Something's up will this mutation." Scott said, surprising not only Erik and Raven but Sean, Jean and Alex. 

*

[TW; Starts here]

Charles rolled his wheelchair to his desk. He looked at the messily stacked papers, pens scattered around his table, about four coffee mugs and three water bottles, the sticky notes messily over his desk and the overall disaster his drawers were in. He cleaned his desk, opening the draws and started to go through everything. Every now and then, throwing some thing's out. Then he opened the last drawer, the top drawer. There was a small organizer. Some white out, a pencil sharpener, some pencils, pens, and then a razor. It must have been taken out from the sharpener as there wasn't one in it. He picked it up and noticed the small amount of blood on it. 

He remembered what he did. The memory scaring him. It shook him to his core to this day. It reminded him of his Step-father, his mother, his step-brother and he hated it. The memories flowing back into place, as he heard the anger, pain and sorrow from other all over the word. He felt like breaking. 

That's when he had enough. He wheeled into the small bathroom close by. Locking the door he tried his best to stand up, it didn't really work but he found a way. Now not really standing but standing, he took the razor and brought it up to his wrist. Making cuts, deep into his thick skin. The blood dripping down his arms slowly. 

After a couple minutes, he cleaned up as best he could. Cleaning the razor, getting a small cut on his finger. 'I'll blame it on the glass'. He thought. Then he cleaned his wrist lightly, getting bandages and wrapping his arms in them. Then he wheeled out of the bathroom, locking his study door. He had used the needle and gave himself a 'shot' of the medicine Hank had given him earlier that day. 

He then wheeled over to his desk. He looked at his paperwork as it started to get darker. His vision slowly blurred. Then it was black. 


End file.
